A Nurse Reveals the 5 Biggest Regrets of People on Their Deathbed
For many years, I worked in palliative care, looking after patients who had returned home to spend their final weeks. Those were deeply meaningful times. I often cared for people during the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.
Facing mortality changes people. I learned never to underestimate anyone’s capacity for growth, even at the end. Some of the changes I witnessed were extraordinary. While each person experienced a range of emotions—denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial, and finally acceptance—every single one of them ultimately found peace before they passed away.
When asked about their regrets or what they would do differently, certain themes emerged again and again. Here are the five most common:
1. “I wish I had lived a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”
This was the most common regret of all. At the end of life, it becomes painfully clear how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honored even half their dreams and were dying knowing it was due to choices they had made—or not made.
It is vital to honor at least some of your dreams along the way. Once you lose your health, it’s often too late. Good health brings a freedom that few truly appreciate until it’s gone.
2. “I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.”
This came from every male patient I nursed. They regretted missing their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women spoke of this too, though many from older generations had not been primary breadwinners. All of the men deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of work.
By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices, you may find you don’t need as much income as you think. Creating more space in your life makes you happier and opens doors to new opportunities—ones better suited to the life you really want.
3. “I wish I had had the courage to express my feelings.”
Many people suppressed their feelings to keep the peace with others. As a result, they settled for mediocrity and never became who they were truly capable of being. Some even developed illnesses linked to the bitterness and resentment they carried.
We can’t control how others react, but speaking honestly—though it may cause friction at first—ultimately strengthens relationships or releases unhealthy ones from your life. Either way, you win.
4. “I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.”
Many people didn’t realize the full value of old friendships until their final weeks. By then, it was often too late to reconnect. They had let golden friendships slip away in the busyness of life and deeply regretted not giving them the time and effort they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.
As death approaches, the details of life fade away. People may still want to get their finances in order, but what truly matters is not money or status—it’s love and relationships. In the end, that’s what remains.
5. “I wish I had let myself be happier.”
This regret was surprisingly common. Many people only realized at the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The ‘comfort’ of familiarity had spilled into their emotions and daily lives. Fear of change had them pretending they were content when, deep down, they longed to laugh and be playful again.
When you’re on your deathbed, what others think of you won’t matter. How wonderful it would be to let go, smile, and truly live—long before that day arrives.
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POSITIVE DAILY PRAYER:
I am thankful that I am alive.
I am thankful that I live more every day.
I make new discoveries.
I have new adventures.
As a child of God, I claim my gifts.
I share my God-given gifts with others.
Wherever I go, whatever I do, I do alive, alert, and enthusiastic.
POSITIVE DAILY AFFIRMATION:
I awake with gladness into this new day which holds the promise of something new and wonderful.
POSITIVE DAILY QUOTE:
“I have always found that mercy bears richer fruits than strict justice.” Abraham Lincoln